I don't know why I do the things that I do. I don't know why I drag my ass out of bed at 7 am every weekday morning to go to school. In fact, almost nothing I do is done with conscious purpose, because most of daily tasks revolve around staying on my charted, career-oriented college track. If I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, the question becomes: Why don't I revolt against my existence and live my life more purposefully? I'd like to answer that it is my love of learning that keeps me attending my classes and doing my homework, but the larger factor in my subconscious decision-making seems to be the simple desire to avoid punishment.
It is fascinating that, for all the advancements of humankind and our arrogance as a species, we live our lives in structured society as nothing more than slaves to classical conditioning. Reward and punishment. The most basic of all systems of motivation. The sleep deprived college student reading about Pavlov's dogs for an upcoming exam is acting on no higher impulse than the animals themselves. I think that the lack of self-determined purpose among individuals is a tragedy, because when people seek only to meet standards set for them by others, they are ultimately unfulfilled and die with regrets. I have no interest in looking back on a life lived without meaning, so I have made it my goal to puzzle out a purpose to my actions and a method to my madness before it is too late.
Hello Mr. Potemkin.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you might have a few absurdist/existentialist tendencies yourself. One of my favorite lines "The sleep deprived college student reading about Pavlov's dogs for an ucpcaoming exam is acting on no higher impulse than the animals themselves".
Our tendency to give into pre-determined societal norms is eventually just an endless attempt to avoid punishment. Mostly, the pain of exclusion and shame. We all do it, even the man who epitomizes absurdism, Meursault, does what is appropriate because he knows that giving into all of his instincts would lead to societal exclusion. Perhaps that is our only meaning when we live as you described. Fulfilling basic human needs and avoiding punishment.
Yet you talk about your "goal to puzzle out a purpose to my actions and a method to my madness before it is too late". Why do you feel the need to puzzle out a purpose? Will you ever truly figure out what your true meaning in life is? And if so, when is it "too late"?
I enjoy your view of life as a meaning in itself, purpose-driven,and lived for one's own meaning. I agree with the idea of discovering your own meaning in life. While existence is not meaningful, life is.
ReplyDeleteMy my my, I like your honesty in this post! Most people would like to have said "See, this is what OTHER people do, but this is how I live my life, LOOK AT MEEE! I'M A UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE!" But you've analyzed yourself and are perfectly content with saying your mindset follows basic human instinct. Your last line was particularly lovely. I wish you luck on your noble search for meaning. If you're already this perceptive I'm sure it'll hit you over the head like a ton of bricks in no time at all. :)
ReplyDeleteFour words: means to an end. That is how we live. Our meaning in life, for most people, IS the end of life. It is the future, our future goals, continuous waiting for something good to happen and our life to change. But the future is just speculation, the product of thought and imagination, it's not real because it is not now. See now that I said that, didn't it stop making sense? I don't know, maybe not to you but it does to me. Takes me by surprise every time. Maybe it's cause I'm not searching for a purpose.
ReplyDeleteI think this post is quite inspirational. Though you are reflecting upon your own life and decisions, you seem to voice out the thoughts and actions of many people, especially students your age.
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